Moving On

After last nights post I was feeling like I needed to just let it go.  I talked to the husband before he left for work and felt like I was moving on.  I was thinking I needed to write something to signal the "all good".  Then as I was wasting time scrolling through Facebook I came across this...

It hit close to home and made me feel like it is all good.  I am not weak, worthless or alone.  

J-O-B

I have to get a job.  I'm really fighting this though.  I don't want a job.  I want people to pay me to make things for them or buy fabric from me.  Unfortunately that's not happening with enough regularity for our budget.  It sucks.  

Last week I got a job.  I've been looking for a while and the timing and money were EXACTLY what we needed.  It was an answer to tons of prayers.  I was so excited for this new phase in our life. You know, the phase where we can pay all our bills all by ourselves without selling something.

I was hired to watch 2 children, a 4 year old and 7 year old.  The schedule is perfect.  I can still watch my sweet 1 year old that I love!  

Today was to be my first day.  I got an email Sunday night that she found a friend, closer to her home, that was willing to watch them.  

Wait, what??  

Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling.  I really thought this was the answer. That our situation was going to improve dramatically.  

Now I feel lost and confused.  And a little destroyed.  I know I shouldn't but, it's hard to change how you feel sometimes.  Hopefully by writing this I can excise some of that pain.

Christmas Cards

I had grand plans this year.  

My Christmas cards were going to be homemade and awesome!

And of course include a perfect picture of our glorious family!

Yep.

Didn't happen.

I bought all the supplies, even made a few cards.

We had cute coordinating clothes.

We took wonderful and fun pictures while Becky was in town for Thanksgiving.

Then I pulled my head out of the sand and acknowledged the fact that we couldn't afford to spend the money on Christmas Cards.

See, it gets expensive when you buy all the supplies, print all the pictures
(cause let's be honest, pictures are the best part of the cards)
and then on top of that you have to buy all those stamps!

We could barely afford Christmas  presents for the kids this year.

So, I did something new.

I minimized.

The kids are getting 2 presents from us this year.

(plus whatever Santa brings)

I was talking to the kids about how money was super tight this year and that we wouldn't be having as much stuff.  I mentioned that this year we just didn't have as much money.  Then I stopped and corrected myself.  This year we have the same lack of money for Christmas that we have had for the past few years, but this year we are choosing to be responsible with what we do have.

It's a really good feeling and an important lesson that we are teaching our children.

So, since I'm being all grown up and responsible and stuff, I found a way to make my cute Christmas card idea work.

Without further ado....

Outdated?

I haven't blogged in so long and I'm pretty sure it's an outdated idea.  I find that I feel better when I do blog though, almost as if it's my journal.  So, I'm going to attempt to continue this, if for no other reason than at least I will have some words, somewhere, belonging to me.

I was able to visit the Temple yesterday, for our annual Relief Society Temple trip.  It was amazing.  I find so much joy and insight when I am there that I wonder, the whole time I'm there, why I don't go more often.  I think it's like childbirth, only in forgetting the awsomeness instead of the suckiness.  

I'm going through a period in my life where I feel like there is change and growth on the horizon.  

Not sure how I feel about that.

Maybe through this blog I can cope better and more effectively than if my thoughts weren't being expressed in some way.  That's my hope anyway.

How to be a pArtY aNiMal

The stars aligned.

It was the annual Father Son camp out,

Savannah got invited to spend the night at a friends house

and Delaney (my cuddle monkey) and I prepared to have a little partay.

We did some shopping, got lots of food.

Then the phone call came.

The camp out was cancelled, due to rain.  Oh the joys of living in Seattle!

The party must go on!

The boys were relegated to the downstairs and Laney & I took the upstairs,

which is exactly where we planned to be.

Food...Check

Pizza Rolls & Snicker Ice Cream Bars

(On a side note...

Pizza Rolls?  I know.  So gross. 

But about once a year I crave the yummy grossness.  It can't be helped.)

Movie...Check

Just Like Heaven

Bed...Check

Lane made the bed for me, she's the best!

We got all snuggled up in bed, started eating our delicious treats and were enjoying the movie. 

Sometime after finishing our food I noticed I was getting really sleepy and falling asleep. 

I immediately felt guilty for ruining our little girl party. 

I leaned over to check on Delaney and found her asleep. 

I touched her little cheek and asked her if she was sleeping. 

She sleepily opened her eyes and smiled at me. 

I told her to go back to sleep, internally celebrated and went back to sleep myself.

So what if we fell asleep by 8:30, we're still party animals, remember the pizza rolls...A-ni-mal.

When I got up this morning I was laughing with Andy about how early we conked out.

Turns out he came up at 7:45, we were both out.

Flemons & Feaster

So, I said I was back and then I totally disapeared again.  Woops.  There are so many things to blog about, so I'm just going to start with some old stuff.

We were in Cali for Spring Break.  It was awesome.  Kind of.  If you take away 4 sick kids, we're talking fever, sick for multiple days kind of sick, and one Mama who was so OVER making the drive to Cali, then it would have been super awesome.

My mom had some fake lemons that we dubbed flemons.  So when it came time to plan our faux Easter dinner it became Feaster.  We had to travel home the day before Easter, darn work, so it was planned for that Friday.

Well what do you eat for a Feaster dinner, you ask?
Well of course...Lasagna, Broccoli Salad, Deviled Eggs, Mini hot dogs in philo dough, and Texas toast.  Sound yummy?  Yeah, not so much, but it was delicious. 
The best part is I had my parents referring to it as Feaster by the end of the week.

We did manage to get in a couple half day activities, lots of rest, and an Easter Egg hunt. We were able to talk Savannah into hunting, probably her last year though.

Crap Sale

I'm participating in my first ever Craft Sale!

I'm pretty excited about it, so there's been lots of talk about it in our home.

The other day I was telling Andy that I needed to head up to my craft room and work on some projects.

Willson agreed.

He told me I needed to go up to my craft room...

"to work on your crap, for your crap sale."

All with a smile on his face and patting me on my arm.

Bedtime

I really don't want this blog to be all about Willson, but he is currently the only one doing anything note worthy, including me. Hopefully the other kids can come up with something good soon.

Bedtime at our house is insane. It used to be great.

Then we had Willson.

It is a challenge, to say the least, every night.

The other night Andy wasn't home and I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was go to bed, but I had to wait till Willson was asleep.

I walked upstairs and saw Willson's light still on. I came around the corner and found Willson laying on the floor, with his blanket and pillow, reading a book. I immediately told him to turn off his light and get his cute little butt in bed.

He scoffed at me, shook his head and said...

"Mom, it's my room. You're just gonna have to deal with it."

I'm Having Trouble Controlling...THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!

Willson, like most children, has always had trouble with volume control.

Especially at church.

To combat this we constantly tell him to whisper please and make sure to provide enough quiet distractions to make talking obsolete. The current one that works is coloring.

Last Sunday we were well prepared.

He had just received a new coloring book from the Easter Bunny and he had a bag of nearly new crayons borrowed from his sisters.

The rule in our house is that no distractions come out until after the sacrament is completed. Willson could hardly contain his excitement to crack open that new book and get down to business.

I watched as Andy reached down for the bag, pulled out the fresh crayons, handed them to our giddy boy and then a look of pure horror crossed his face.

I sent him a questioning look and he mouthed the dreaded words

"I forgot the coloring book."

We had to act fast.

Willson was quickly becoming aware of the situation and we were headed for a meltdown. He had been waiting so patiently and his little world was about to be shattered.

I grabbed the first thing I could find.

A program. Yeah, he loved that.

I flipped it over, finding the largest open space I could, Andy quickly scooted a Hymn book under it and placed a crayon in his hand.

Crisis averted.

He couldn't complain, he just followed instinct and started scribbling.

I could tell this was not going to last the whole time though.

I had to be prepared.

He handed me the paper and whispered

"Can you draw me a toilet?"

Now this was a real whisper. I didn't think my son was capable of that.

I quickly grabbed his paper and started drawing,

lest he repeat his request in his normal whisper.

I drew, what I thought, was a masterful toilet.

I handed the paper back to my little man, wearing my arm out by patting myself on the back so hard.

He whispered, I must be the best parent ever!

And look, my exquisite toilet.

Willson took my offering, gave a firm head nod and said

"Good. Now can you draw a guy peeing in it?"

The Driver on the Bus Says...

Last summer I felt inspired to call on a job posting at the kids school. It was for a school bus driver. I had never before considered this, but thought well, if I get it I get it, if not, no great loss. Well, I got it. I embarked on this new journey full of embarrassment and questioning what I was thinking, but then remembering that this wasn't my decision it was Heavenly Father's plan for me.

There are times when that is the only thing that keeps me from quitting my job, not because I don't enjoy it, but because all I want to do is be home with my babies, being a wife and mother. Sometimes I ache for those times again, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and being a school bus driver is what is needed for me at this time.

Now that I've covered my misgivings, lets go into the positives...

Being a Bus Driver is more than feathered hair, fake nails and elastic waist jeans.

(Which I have none of, thank you very much)

I get to make an impact on the lives of children in my community. I always thought I didn't like other people's kids, in fact I've been very vocal about that, but I was so wrong.

I have truly come to love and care about those children on my bus.

I also seem to have a real soft spot for troublemakers.

I have had many fun and memorable experiences on my bus.

Singing Queen and Lady Gaga with one of my cute Kindergartners...

Laughing with my 3rd grade trouble maker, who does so much better when he's sitting by me...

Hearing a 4th grader, when asked by his teacher to get off the bus after a field trip, saying "Once again fate has ruined my life." in the most pitiful and defeated voice...

Laughing and joking with my High School Kids, listening as they tell me their boy problems...

One of the most tender moments happened today.

I met Kelsey the day she took my bus home.

She was loud and obnoxious high school student, with no respect or care for me. She argued with me over her bus stop and probably called me bad names later.

She continued to ride my bus. I continued to not let her intimidate me. I think that was her main weapon against adults in her life.

One day she decided she liked me. I don't know if it was the pink hair that got her, but suddenly she not only respected me, she liked me.

She was still the same loud and obnoxious person, but she treated me with not only respect, but kindness.

She said good morning to me every day. She thanked me every day when she got off the bus. She looked me in the eye. She smiled at me. She talked to me.

(This is completely abnormal for the majority of High School Students)

I knew she had a lot of trouble at school. Not surprisingly she had authority issues.

I hadn't seen Kelsey for about a month now, until today. I've been thinking about her, hoping she was choosing a better path for herself. She came to my bus today. I asked her how she was, where she's been. She told me she transferred to an alternative school in our district. She seemed happier. She hugged me and told me she just wanted to come say hi, since she happened to be at the school. I was shocked and touched.

I don't know what kind of an impact I have had in this child of God's life, but I pray that she can see His light in me and choose a better path.

To those of you out there who need a reminder, I know I certainly do, what you choose to do makes a difference, whether in the home or out of the home.

Where Babys Come From

As we were driving home from CA, on Saturday, we had some interesting discussions. My favorite was Willson's take on where babys come from.

Willson informed us that...

Jesus put him in a box

then dropped him down into our fireplace.

We opened our fireplace.

Found the box.

Then made him a Baby Bed.

"And that's how I was born!"

At least he acknowledged Jesus, we're doing something right, right?

Back in the Game

So, this post is really hard to start.

It's been so long since I blogged I think I've forgotten how.

Let's start with why I left the game...

Nearly two years ago our family went through the worst trial we've had thus far in our journey through this life.

Things had to give, sadly this blog was one of them.

We suffered.

We cried.

Sobbed.

We coped.

We learned.

We Grew.

We healed.

We are stronger than before.

We rejoice.

We revel in our Love.

We know that through Christ, all things are possible.

The last few months I have really felt inspired to restart this blog.

I finally found the courage to do that today.

So, to all those out there reading, if there's any of you left,

I hope what I say touches your life,

As I know your words have touched mine.

The Things He Says

Willson says the funniest things. Seriously. I'll list my favorites here...

Willson consistently refers to our cat Sid as his "Catty"

03/2011

Getting ready to ride the Ferry with Gma & Gpa "Is that the Tooth Fairy boat?"

02/2011

When looking for his new tennis shoes "Where's my antenna shoes?"

02/2011

Telling our babysitter, while stripping down "It's okay, I'm just not supposed to take off my
underwear."

02/2011

When driving around with Andy "I'm pretty dang sure we're lost."

01/2011

After being surprised by me "You just scared the crap out of me!"

12/2010

Give-Away, not to be missed

I'd like to tell you all to enter this fantastic give-away, but I really don't want to 'cause I want to win it.
Gorgeous, gorgeous. Check it out.


http://undermypolkadotumbrella.blogspot.com/2011/02/charm-cicles-giveaway.html

Happiness

Willson cannot, really absolutely cannot, stand for anyone to be sad. The other day we were in the car and Savannah was upset with me. I was trying, unsuccessfully, to make her laugh. I asked for Willson's help. He first tried yelling "Savannah laugh!" When that didn't work I told him to do something silly. He gets this look on his face and all of the sudden he's saying "gan, gan, gan, gan, gan!" with his lips pulled back, his face scrunched and his teeth clanking with each word. I think it's pretty obvious what happened then. Now he walks around looking for people who look just the teeniest bit upset and trying out his magical cure.
There's been lots of laughs in our house lately.

ArT

I'm loving the art class I'm taking this quarter. My teacher is hilarious. So, one day, within the first couple of weeks, he decided to take role. He walked up to the first person and "Who are you?" He makes his way around the room asking the same question. He gets to me and says my name then moves on to the girl sitting next to me. He says "Wait, let me guess." He looks at the role list, back and forth and comes up with her name. When he gets to the high maintenance girl in our class she smiles and bats her lashes at him and says her name. His response "WHO?" deflated she says her name again. So today in class he's asking for people to critique our work. He calls on the people he knows the name of, there's only about 3 of us, and then he's trying to call on someone else. So he sees another girl in the class and says to me "What's her name?" I tell him I don't know. He gives me a dirty look and says "Really? Come on, what's her name?" I again tell him I really don't know. So he then turns to her and asks her his name. She's across the room and soft spoken, so I didn't hear it so I asked him "What's her name?" He turns to me and says "I don't know". I swear I laugh so hard every class and have tons of stories to tell Andy when I get home every day.

the things he says...

Today at church we were quietly sitting when a baby in our congregation squawked.
Willson sucked in a breath and said to me "A baby's crying."
I nodded my head in that mom way that means that's nice, please stop talking now.
He looked at me funny and said "But she's scaring the crap out of me."

uNdeRwEaR mOdeL

When I was about 7 weeks pregnant with Willson my sister called to tell me she was 7 weeks pregnant. When I said, "Uh, me too." we laughed so hard. Our boys were born 4 days apart. It was funny to see the two of them together. They are built so differently. My nephew, Cole, was just this big baby, like my Mason. Willson on the other hand tended to be small. The joke was that Cole would be the football player and Willson would be the underwear model. Our dreams for our son have been fulfilled.
Without further ado, I'd like to present the underwear model, Willson, also known as Turd Boy...

We're 3 days in and so far so good. Hooray!

My Christmas Presents

Mom sent us Visa gift cards this year. Andy used part of his to buy me bowls, so sweet!

Who Does That?

There's a house in our neighborhood that's been for sale for a really long time. They're asking way too much for it. Imagine our surprise when we saw a Uhual truck there the other day. Andy and I were driving home from a date and we saw the house, so we started talking about it. As we drove past I noticed a dog in the front yard. I was a little worried. It's late and our new neighbors dog had escaped their yard. I continued to watch the dog and realized it wasn't real. Yep, our new neighbors put a dog statue in their front yard. (thankfully they don't live on our street). My question is this...
Who does that???