Moving On

After last nights post I was feeling like I needed to just let it go.  I talked to the husband before he left for work and felt like I was moving on.  I was thinking I needed to write something to signal the "all good".  Then as I was wasting time scrolling through Facebook I came across this...

It hit close to home and made me feel like it is all good.  I am not weak, worthless or alone.  

J-O-B

I have to get a job.  I'm really fighting this though.  I don't want a job.  I want people to pay me to make things for them or buy fabric from me.  Unfortunately that's not happening with enough regularity for our budget.  It sucks.  

Last week I got a job.  I've been looking for a while and the timing and money were EXACTLY what we needed.  It was an answer to tons of prayers.  I was so excited for this new phase in our life. You know, the phase where we can pay all our bills all by ourselves without selling something.

I was hired to watch 2 children, a 4 year old and 7 year old.  The schedule is perfect.  I can still watch my sweet 1 year old that I love!  

Today was to be my first day.  I got an email Sunday night that she found a friend, closer to her home, that was willing to watch them.  

Wait, what??  

Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling.  I really thought this was the answer. That our situation was going to improve dramatically.  

Now I feel lost and confused.  And a little destroyed.  I know I shouldn't but, it's hard to change how you feel sometimes.  Hopefully by writing this I can excise some of that pain.

Christmas Cards

I had grand plans this year.  

My Christmas cards were going to be homemade and awesome!

And of course include a perfect picture of our glorious family!

Yep.

Didn't happen.

I bought all the supplies, even made a few cards.

We had cute coordinating clothes.

We took wonderful and fun pictures while Becky was in town for Thanksgiving.

Then I pulled my head out of the sand and acknowledged the fact that we couldn't afford to spend the money on Christmas Cards.

See, it gets expensive when you buy all the supplies, print all the pictures
(cause let's be honest, pictures are the best part of the cards)
and then on top of that you have to buy all those stamps!

We could barely afford Christmas  presents for the kids this year.

So, I did something new.

I minimized.

The kids are getting 2 presents from us this year.

(plus whatever Santa brings)

I was talking to the kids about how money was super tight this year and that we wouldn't be having as much stuff.  I mentioned that this year we just didn't have as much money.  Then I stopped and corrected myself.  This year we have the same lack of money for Christmas that we have had for the past few years, but this year we are choosing to be responsible with what we do have.

It's a really good feeling and an important lesson that we are teaching our children.

So, since I'm being all grown up and responsible and stuff, I found a way to make my cute Christmas card idea work.

Without further ado....

Outdated?

I haven't blogged in so long and I'm pretty sure it's an outdated idea.  I find that I feel better when I do blog though, almost as if it's my journal.  So, I'm going to attempt to continue this, if for no other reason than at least I will have some words, somewhere, belonging to me.

I was able to visit the Temple yesterday, for our annual Relief Society Temple trip.  It was amazing.  I find so much joy and insight when I am there that I wonder, the whole time I'm there, why I don't go more often.  I think it's like childbirth, only in forgetting the awsomeness instead of the suckiness.  

I'm going through a period in my life where I feel like there is change and growth on the horizon.  

Not sure how I feel about that.

Maybe through this blog I can cope better and more effectively than if my thoughts weren't being expressed in some way.  That's my hope anyway.

How to be a pArtY aNiMal

The stars aligned.

It was the annual Father Son camp out,

Savannah got invited to spend the night at a friends house

and Delaney (my cuddle monkey) and I prepared to have a little partay.

We did some shopping, got lots of food.

Then the phone call came.

The camp out was cancelled, due to rain.  Oh the joys of living in Seattle!

The party must go on!

The boys were relegated to the downstairs and Laney & I took the upstairs,

which is exactly where we planned to be.

Food...Check

Pizza Rolls & Snicker Ice Cream Bars

(On a side note...

Pizza Rolls?  I know.  So gross. 

But about once a year I crave the yummy grossness.  It can't be helped.)

Movie...Check

Just Like Heaven

Bed...Check

Lane made the bed for me, she's the best!

We got all snuggled up in bed, started eating our delicious treats and were enjoying the movie. 

Sometime after finishing our food I noticed I was getting really sleepy and falling asleep. 

I immediately felt guilty for ruining our little girl party. 

I leaned over to check on Delaney and found her asleep. 

I touched her little cheek and asked her if she was sleeping. 

She sleepily opened her eyes and smiled at me. 

I told her to go back to sleep, internally celebrated and went back to sleep myself.

So what if we fell asleep by 8:30, we're still party animals, remember the pizza rolls...A-ni-mal.

When I got up this morning I was laughing with Andy about how early we conked out.

Turns out he came up at 7:45, we were both out.